


Emergency Band Meeting

by beanplague



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Bisexuality, Drabble, Humor, M/M, kissing the homies, they are VERY stupid.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25939171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beanplague/pseuds/beanplague
Summary: Bill has been considering a most startling revelation. He calls Ted in to discuss it.[Bill and Ted are both bi and both very stupid. More at 11.]
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 24
Kudos: 261
Collections: billen ted





	Emergency Band Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this as a warm up to begin doing actual writing and figured it'd make someone else laugh. watched the movies last night with my friends and lost my fucking mind

Bill calls an emergency band meeting. These have been called in the past for multiple reasons—discussing the possibility of actually learning how to play the guitar, concocting schemes in order to avoid the most heinous fate of summer school, watching pornos together—but today is a new day, with a new subject to bring to the table. (It is not a table. They are sitting on the couch, watching reruns of  _ Star Trek. _ )

“What was that thing you said yesterday? About the tension between Kirk and Spock being ‘most homoerotic?’ I kind of see it now, dude,” says Ted. It is at this point that Bill remembers that this is meant to be a band meeting. He had kind of forgotten. Whoops.

“It’s very apparent,” he nods, solemn, folding his hands in his lap. “Speaking of, dude, I have to talk about a most uncomfortable situation.”

“Oh yeah? What’s going on?”

“Well,” Bill leans forward, looking over to his side and making eye contact with Ted. “It has recently been brought to my attention that not all righteously heterosexual men ‘kiss the homies,’” he says.

“What? That can’t be right, dude.” Ted replies, utter confusion written on his face. “If that’s true, then how are they supposed to show their buds admiration?”

Bill shakes his head. “Apparently they don’t,” he says.

“Most non-triumphant.”

_ “Most,”  _ Bill agrees. “Which makes sense. This was brought to my attention by a most non-triumphant dilweed in my Algebra class.”

“Dude,” says Ted. “Algebra is so boring.”

“I know, dude. I know.”

“But go on.”

“Right. So, this guy insists that apparently kissing the homies is ‘gay and strange,’ and that we, by extension, are also gay and strange.”

“Dude, we are so not gay and strange. We’re in a band.”

“Exactly! That's why I swept it under the rug so easy,” says Bill, before faltering. “At first.”

“At first?”

“At first.” Bill looks down at the floor. He inhales. Okay, he can be cool about this. “Ted, I think we need to seriously consider the idea that we may be homosexuals.”

It takes him a few seconds to look over at Ted. He immediately shoots down this decision after glancing over to see that Ted is looking at him like he’s grown a second head. “Dude,” says Ted. “This is a most serious accusation.”

“I’m not accusing,” says Bill. “It’s just that, well—do you think I’m hot, Ted?”

“Absolutely, dude. You’re a total catch.”

“Exactly,” Bill says. “Which is cool. I totally feel the same way. But, you know. We also kiss.”

“The homies,” adds Ted.

“We kiss the homies; but I mean. We’re a very monogamous homie-kissing operation.”

“Well, I don’t just kiss  _ any _ homie, dude. That would ruin everything that makes it special.”

“Your point  is sound,” Bill considers. “But I don’t think most guys fully make out with their homies either, or snuggle when they have bad days.”

Ted looks like he’s thinking very hard, and Bill wants to kiss him to make him stop. Bill the brains of their operation, after all. Ted is the eye candy of the band. These are established facts that they mildly argue about every other day. “But dude, we love babes.”

“We do,” says Bill. “Which leads me to my next point. I think that we’re perhaps, I don’t know, attracted to babes  _ and _ each other.”

“Woah.”

“I know, dude. It’s a lot to take in.”

“Is there a word for that?” asks Ted. Bill shrugs.

“I don’t think so, duder. We might have just invented it.” Bill tries at a smile. “Most excellent, if you ask me.”

“Dude,” says Ted. “That  _ is _ most excellent. Does this mean that we’re boyfriends now?”

“If you want.”

Ted hums thoughtfully. “Can I be the groom at our wedding?”

“What if we’re  _ both _ grooms, dude?”

“You’re so smart. C’mere and let me kiss you.”


End file.
